It's lunchtime. And I am ravenous.

I go to a nearby cafe with the intention of purchasing the sandwich to rival all sandwiches, when my lacklustre attention is suddenly captured by a glorious sight.

The Pie looks divine. Its buttery, golden crust beams at me; its healthy yet pleasingly carnivorous filling of chicken, roasted tomato, spinach and goats cheese draws me in; its rustic cardboard packaging and daisy motif yelling 'organic!' in shock-pink lettering convinces me that this pie can do no wrong.

This is no cheese and onion fat-slathered greaseball from Greggs. Nor a raggedy-chicken(really?)-ends-stuffed flaky pastry. I am not being a greedy, unwholesome heifer by eating this pie for lunch. I am being kind to my organic-nutrients-starved-and-starving body.

This is, in short, a Good Pie. And it must be mine.

I return to my desk and unpack my Purchase of Pie Joy. I take a big bite. I swallow like a heifer. Mmmm, spinach and goats cheese. I take another big bite of pie. Mmm, soft crust and...

Soft?

With a sinking feeling of dough in my stomach I turn the pie box over and read:

Pre-heat oven to 180 degrees, Gas Mark 4. Place pie on a baking tray on the middle shelf of the oven and cook for approximately 20 minutes. Check pie is piping hot before serving. Not suitable for microwave cooking.

*vomits*