As aforementioned, I was unfortunate enough to be subjected to a vicious assault this weekend whilst taking a relaxing stroll through the Silent Valley.

Our unsuspecting group was busy admiring the tranquil view across the reservoir when we were suddenly set upon from all directions by a rabid group baying for our blood.

Try as we might to defend ourselves, our fiendish attackers were simply too great in number and too unrelenting in their frenzied onslaught for us to escape without multiple injuries.

Bloody gnats.

I bear the scars of our heroic battle to this very day. And one in particular is proof of the barbarous determination and twisted perversity of our callous attackers.

For, as I sit here at my desk, I am finding it nigh on impossible to resist the temptation of scratching the torturous, compelling itch that is currently tormenting the nerve-endings on a red-raw patch of skin located on the underside of my left breast.

AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!