Sink or Swim

THAT was bloody entertaining. Impressive spirit from both sides.

Congrats, Mr Murray!

I am...

... in the office. Alone. And currently fighting the temptation to just sneak off and see if anyone notices. Especially since this is my last day in this job for two months and I can easily put off until September anything that I could do today.

(I am also more ravenous than a rabid Rottweiler who has been fed a diet of a blade of grass a day for six months and has just had the fresh carcass of a recently deceased bunny rabbit rubbed all over its nose...)

I was...

... at a Radiohead concert last night. Which was really rather ace. Karrrrrrma Pooooooleeeeeeece... Ah, my misspent youth as a student (as opposed to my misspent days - and nights - now...)

(I was also incredibly sober at the gig. Which might have had slightly less to do with the fact that I am a conscientious individual with a highly commited  work ethic and therefore would never dream of getting slaughtered on a school night - and slightly more to do with the fact that the fecking queues for the women's toilets were so ridiculous that I would have spent all evening marching directly from the bar to the back of the toilet queue, sipping my pint along the way).

I will be...

... having lots of time away this month. Hurrah! Including in Bristol, Bath (Juzzzy, remember Taste of Bath? nomnomnom), Brum () and Ireland. Feck knows how I'll get enough work done in the meantime, but hey, I like a challenge.

(I will also be... just fine )

Nicked from Sminch, who nicked from Landers...

You may ask me three questions and I shall try to answer them. Things that you would like to know about me or my life, my past my future, what makes me tick, what makes me sick. From the mundane to the serious - fire away and I will endeavour to answer for you... but I make no promises!

Today I have the utter, utter bliss of having nothing whatsoever to do.

I'd forgotten what this feels like.

Lie-in, lounging, watching DVDs, reading (hellooooo, my old friend, reading!), cooking yummy stuff and then a wee bit of entertaining in the evening.

I also planned to take the time to write something for the Summer Writing Competition today - but, as it turns out, I wrote it yesterday instead. I can't say that I think too much of it, but I really enjoyed the actual act of writing it. Even if it did surprise me how it turned out. I heartily recommend taking part

I love writing. A book is definitely on my list of lifetime ambitions to fulfil, whether I actually manage to get it published or not. I'd do it right now if I a) had more time available than one Saturday per year and b) could think of what the hell to write about.

In the meantime, however, I like the short story idea. I feel like experimenting with words and styles, seeing what I could come up with.

So, I was wondering. Anyone out there fancy suggesting some random stuff to write about? A story, a character, a line?

I feel like playing

So as part of my 'did the lasering of abnormal cells work' routine, I've had a general check-up. During which I learnt the following things...

1. I drink too much. Big shock *cough*. About twice the amount that I should. Even when I lie about how much I drink - which of course I did. Nine units in a bottle of wine? Really?

2. I am one inch taller than I believed. Woo!

3. I am exactly the weight that I believed. Boo!

4. I have excellent blood pressure.

All fine and dandy. Well, apart from the impending liver failure. But then came this...

5. Doctors apparently ask you, as part of a routine check-up, if you have ever paid, or been paid, for sex.

Is it just me, or is this ever-so-slightly odd? 

Set against a backdrop of war-torn-and-then-built-back-up-again Berlin.

It's a story of love for beer and passion for football.

Of two people who met by chance on a blog site, started a tentative friendship based on rude tag wars and the desire for free accommodation in Berlin - and were then thrown together in the unexpected aftermath of a terrible accident that scratch on my leg from the wire fence is definitely going to scar...

Follow their ensuing journey through challenging mental trials of Scrabble (qi! qi! qi!), devastating physical tribulations of the long, sweaty trip to the kebab shop and the ruthless invasion of the Spanish who suck, apparently - or is that just wishful thinking.

Gasp in shock as the two are split apart by circumstances beyond their control or Row's need to go sightseeing and eat lots of chocolate, and wonder, with bated breath, how it all will end...

Will Rampers give up his dream of becoming a professional footballer and discover his true calling in life, and finally release a CD of his nostril-and-eardrum-shattering rendition of the Dawn Symphony of Thunderous Botty Belches Number Fifteen Thousand and Seventy-Six?

Will Rowtheboat be convinced by Rampage's assertion that it is definitely the tradition in Germany for all nurses to give their patients a daily bed bath using a tongue instead of a sponge?

Will Fassbender and Rausch discover who stole the massive and stonkingly gorgeous chocolate sculpture of the Brandenberg Gate, in an entirely unrelated episode to the rest of the film that is in no way connected to any of the characters therein, especially not Rowtheboat?

Will Mark ever get a break in Peep Show?

Find out all this and more in this summer's blockbuster film:

The Irish (Im)Patient.

The Times: "... inspirational... life as it should be... a triumph of beer over sport..."

The Express: "...Rowtheboat may be getting on a bit, but here she shows she still knows how to drink the boys under the table. Shame she never got her tits out, though..."

The Sun: "...the highlight was definitely when the crippled Mick whacked the Kraut with his crutch and he dropped his bratwurst..."

You're cute.

If you can't be arsed reading it, just look at the map.

So. Who fancies joining me in embracing global warming for the solitary purpose of establishing Manchester's first Pinot Noir vineyard?

*runs to rev car engine*

...you're dreaming that you're too tired to sleep...

Classic yet quirky black and white surroundings; dim lights, dramatic, high ceilings with tinkly chandeliers and fantastically fun cowskin chairs.

An introduction to the steaks on the menu - tempting  slabs of quality beef brought around on an ebony tablet and discussed in detail - including tips on how they should be cooked and what sauces and wines would best accompany them.

Fabulous rum cocktails and own-brewed beers that smell of bubble gum and taste of warm hops.

Cured appetisers served with tangy lemon, ginger and red onion dressings.

Glorious hunks of droolsome, flavoursome medium-rare beef, served with rustic salted chips and chunky butternut squash mash.

The finest Argentinian Malbec from the highest altitude vineyards in the world - which, incidently, results in incredibly deeply coloured red wines, packed full of spicy flavours with a slightly bitter, herbal finish that perfectly complements a fabulous Aberdeen Angus steak.

A deeeeeluscious dark slab of chocolate truffle cake.

Woodford Reserve whisky - a delightfully smooth mouthful of leathery sumptuousness with a tobacco, slightly liquorice finish.

Could it get any better?

Oh yes it could.

The sexiest waiter known to woman.......

Overall experience?

Phwoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrr!

Well, okay... not quite...

*drool*

'Ello.

Life is hectic, hectic, hectic - but really rather good.

I'll fill you all in at some point. In the meantime, in my absence, read this and have a darn good laugh...

So tonight I am, in my newfound status as a confident and dynamic young *cough* MD, attending a pivotal women's business networking event in town.

It is an event of vital importance and significance to contemporary businesswomen everywhere, featuring examples of best practice from high-profile international representatives, and doubtless requiring the highest standards of mature professionalism and poised sophistication from all attendees.

The itinerary reads as follows...

1. Meet-and-greet of all attendees. An opportunity to network and discuss goals for the evening.

2. An exhibition of regional suppliers, who provide a variety of products and services that may be of interest to attendees and their organisations.

3. Refreshments.

4. Congregate in the main hall for the evening's presentation.

Riveting stuff, hey?

Of course, the itinerary could also read as follows...

1. Meet-up of a group of giggling girls and women in a private lounge bar. An opportunity to gossip over free glasses of wine and canapes and declare our heartfelt if unlikely intentions not to get too pissed during the evening.

2. Representatives from a range of girlie-focused organisations hand out goodie bags and offer sample services, such as image consultancy, makeovers and fashion.

3. Free Cosmopolitan cocktails, served up by semi-naked men. That's right, semi-naked men. Aka Butlers in the Buff.

4. Congregate in the cinema hall for a private screening of the new Sex and the City film. With wine on tap.

My, it's tough running your own business...

Happy Birthday Landers!

I've left your present on the bed....