It's been a tiring day. My Herculean attempts at various forms of exercise have been, I believe, truly commendable. So I thought I would share my top tips for health, fitness and wellbeing with you all.

Today's exercises have concentrated on the following areas:

The legs.
A three-hour drive must really be tough going on the leg muscles. All that changing gear, pressing on the accelerator and...er...slight shifting around of the arse. Phew!

The stomach.
Highly strenuous curry-eating activities have left the belly rounded and swollen. Obviously a sign of strong, bulky muscles. Excellent.

The brain.
Left spinning in confusion after a two-hour session with a business advisor earlier today. Spinning is one of the toughest gym routines in existence. That must be a good thing, right?

The wallet.
Getting thinner by the day. Who needs Weight Watchers?

The liver.
We all know that exercise is the key to fitness - so a healthy dose of wine is definitely in order tonight. Whipcrack, whipcrack, no slacking girl!

God, I'm good. Perhaps I'll start training in earnest for the 2012 Olympics.