I've got to go and meet a client in a few minutes. Sit down with him in the pub - look, they have free wireless, okay?, go online, see some of the work he does, show him some of the work we do, be professional, be impressive and try to secure some work.

No sweat.

Except that five minutes ago, as I put my socks on, both feet were seized by a raging itch like no other itch has ever itched anyone before. Ever.

Yank off socks, and stare in bewilderment as angry big red patches suddenly start appearing on feet.

Washing powder allergy?

But then, seconds later, the same thing happens to my hands. And my legs. And now my eyelids are swelling up.

The only thing I can compare it to is when I was a teenager and tried magic mushrooms for the first and only time, and watched my skin swell up as I turned into the Michelin woman.

Except that was a hallucination.

And now I have to go out and be professional and impressive, with sunken eyes, lurgyfied legs, hands and arms and feeling my shoulders start to tingle.