So in my quest for some form of exercise that doesn't inspire my hatred, or boredom or much effort, I went to a yoga class last night. During the course of which I made a few discoveries.

Firstly, I am not as flexible as I believed. In fact, I'm not even a hundredth of the way there.

I previously believed that being able to touch your heel to your forehead (albeit with a slight degree of assistance from your hand) was actually reasonably impressive. Not to mention the apparently weird thing I can do with my arms.

But I was wrong.

I mean, how the feck are you supposed to do this?

yoga

That's just ridiculous. How can that be good for your body?

And, more importantly, what would you do if the wind changed? I wouldn't want to be stuck like that forever. Ahem.

Anyway, moving on.

Secondly, wearing an old pair of glasses, whose arms are incredibly loose and liable to fall off at any moment, is not particularly advisable during a yoga class. Especially during those numerous positions which involve your head hanging upside down. When the glasses keep falling off your nose with a clatter that echoes deafeningly around the quiet room, rudely disturbing the Breathing Cycle and probably permanently defiling the Shining Aura of Keen Boy In The Corner, and thus attracting the Evil Glare. Twat.

Thirdly, judging by the "aura" in the room at occasional points during the class, yoga makes you fart.

And fourthly, there are few things more detrimental to "freeing your mind and concentrating on your own body" than when you are instructed to look up and inhale - and find yourself cheek to cheek with the arse of the woman who is bending over in front of you and has a bum cleavage that any builders union would be proud to name Yawning Crevass of the Year.

And you've already started to inhale.