"I like to chat with my friends in the morning... spend the day on the beach... then in the evening, go to a restaurant by the sea with a beautiful woman... talk some, laugh some, drink wine... and then have fantastic sex. You like that?"

Well, yes, Duško, that sounds great.

But it is only three minutes since we first met.

And, as my taxi driver,  I was kind of thinking of you more as the man who is going to take me to my accommodation, rather than the man who is going to take me in my accommodation.

"Here is my card," he says, reaching into what is doubtless a bottomless pit of business cards at the right of his steering wheel. "I could take you to a small seafood restaurant I know tonight. Beautiful food, beautiful company. It's up to you. Or... perhaps I could take your number?"

That's okay, Duško. I've got your number.

But thanks for the welcome.

...

I'm unpacking a few things in my room. An incredibly clean room, panelled walls painted a crisp white, with a low ceiling, small window at hip height, and tiny skylight. I'll be sharing with another girl, who has yet to arrive.

A cruise ship honks loudly nearby. Paulina, the live-in owner of our apartments, rushes in and inexplicably attempts to viciously propel me through the hip-height window. And I'd thought we were getting on well.

Thankfully, I catch the frame rather painfully at crotch-level and am left with my head and neck stretching forward through the windowframe, with Paulina leaning on top of me in a mightily familiar manner. Still, after my episode with Duško, I should be used to mighty familiarity in a short space of time by now.

"Quick, quick, look!" she gasps eagerly and points to the right. The window, which at first glance I believed simply overlooked the narrow street and cream-coloured house opposite, reveals to the right a fabulous view of a small harbour, where one of the vast cruise liners is currently dominating the scene as it pulls majestically out to sea.

Paulina beams at me, and I can't help but beam back. It seems rude not to, we are nearly touching noses, after all. Besides, her enthusiasm is infectious. "Beautiful, yes?"

Yes.

...

The streets in the Old Town are paved with smooth, slightly uneven slabs of pale marbles. In the sun they are tinged a beautiful pale pink, in the shade, they become more translucent and slightly reflective, turning the street into a shimmering river.

I sit outside a caffe-bar next to the cathedral, facing the street, and watch the tourists throng past, snapping away, or licking huge, multicoloured scoops of ice-cream piled precariously on top of crunchy cones.

A young German couple sit down next to me. They start snogging, loudly. Then she stops to order a cappucino and he immediately lights up a Gitane, perhaps already spent.

I feel a distinct pang for a cigarette.

...

The beach is covered in smooth, white pebbles and sizzling, brown bodies. The water is stunning clear by the sea's edge, where tourists paddle and babble. I snuggle my bare feet in amongst the smallest of the warm pebbles, and watch them slowly darken.

A pretty young girl snorkels, her lightly toasted body and bright pink bikini contrasting sharply against the azure water. I wade in and join her, feeling the cool water bite against my hot body before it eases to cool refreshment.

Bliss.

...

Which brings me largely up-to-date. In 15 minutes' time I am scheduled to meet the rest of the group that I'll be travelling with for the next six days. I've already briefly met our guide, a twenty-something Aussie girl called Lauren.

I'm going to be travelling with Lauren and ten other people. Ten other females, in fact.

I don't know if I've actually been in the company of eleven girls since I left school a good few *ahem* years ago. Unless you count hen parties. And, even then, I've only actually ever been to one hen party. So this could be interesting.

Thinking of my recent taxi journey, I said to Lauren, "Eleven girls? They're gonna lurrrve us."

She opened her eyes wide, and grinned even wider. "Oh yes," she said.

Yes. This could be interesting...